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043. The great painter of the toilet

In the Bottles kingdom, Marquis Coke and the king’s chamberlain are talking.

Marquis Coke is a tall but thin man over 60 years of age with a head of completely white hair and splendidly dressed to match his position of marquis.

The Chamberlain is speaking to the marquis with an embarrassed look on his face.

“Can you do it? His Majesty loves that medicine…….”

“Umu. Beiappoi special was it?……”

“His stock is running low. He’s become infatuated with a new concubine called Deborah and because that medicine lasts so long he’s having a great time. Lately, that seems to be all he does.”

The king is 43. Not young but not old either.

At the moment he has 3 children, all daughters. One with his legal wife and 2 with concubines. At the moment there is no prince to succeed him.

The royal household is desperate for a prince as soon as possible and because of this, the king is being encouraged to go to his concubines every night.

“That medicine is made by a foreign pharmacist that my subordinate viscount Cherrycoke knows.”

“I know that.”

“Yeah well, that pharmacist broke the law and bought a demon stone out of the labyrinth. It seems he’s been sent to the mines.”

“Is that so…….. How is the medicine made?”

“Unfortunately, I have no idea.”

“Then just give him a pardon…”

The marquis eyebrows raised at the chamberlain’s words.

“I can’t do that. If I ignore the law, marquis Hebushi will cause a scene.” (1)

Marquis Hebushi is one of the four great marquises and is marquis Coke’s rival.

Marquis Coke of the west, marquis Hebushi of the east, marquis Sprite of the north and marquis Fanta of the south. These are the 4 great marquises.

“Now more than ever the birth of a prince is needed. That medicine is very appreciated by the royal family.”

“I know. I’ll go and hear the circumstances from Cherrycoke. I need you to be patient for a while.”

“Certainly. I thank you for your consideration.”

Having gotten a tentative pledge from the Marquis the chamberlain stepped back.

” (Oh well. If I can acquire more of that medicine the king will think more favourably of me. The thirstier you are the sweeter the water tastes. Can you bear it a while longer my king?……) ”

With a bad smile on his face, the Marquis wrote a letter to viscount Cherrycoke.


The meat that the monkey god Geroge-kun bought was being hidden by the prisoners just in case the guards decided to confiscate it, though other prisoners had found some and quarrels had broken out.

All the prisoners live in bunkhouses with so many per house. In order to manage the prisoners better, their movements have been restricted so they cannot move freely between other bunkhouses.

Thanks to this nobody has found me out yet but the guards are a bit suspicious.

“Oi, aren’t you a bit too neat and tidy?” a low ranking soldier asked the prison boss while he was bringing in the food.

“Aaah, that’s…..somehow….we all decided to bathe at the end of every day. Our wounds heal quicker if we are clean.”

“In this cold weather?”

The boss is obviously getting nervous.

“Stop being so nosy. Haven’t I treated you well?” The boss has obviously bribed him already. “Stop asking questions. The silver production is rising. Leave the camp to me. Keep out of our business.”

The soldier nods at the bosses words. As long as the silver keeps flowing the soldiers are happy. They are not really concerned with what goes on in the camp.

Thanks to their indifference the blessing of the monkey god continued. The healing of the wounds and sickness, even the cleaning of the clothes has all been attributed to the grace of the monkey god.

This development has been really convenient for me.

Not everything has been good though.

If life can be good it can also be bad.


Just now I have been chased behind the back of a bunkhouse.

“Errm, can I help you?”

“Just take off your clothes. Quickly. If you are obedient I’ll be gentle.”

For the first time in my life, I have someone gazing at me with desire.

Sadly, I’m not joking.

I don’t swing that way though. I like women.

Unless they are as pretty as Kuro I don’t want them.

……..No! Wait! Don’t go there. Jean said Kuro’s got an ogre down there.

“Hehehe. Taking you by force is also fine.”

What a vulgar face.

I want to apologise to all the Kukkoro-sans in the world right now!

Sorry. I’m getting a bit too excited.

“Hehehe. This guy’s ready to cry”

One guy lets out a vulgar laugh.

Wrong! I’m not crying because of you.

I sympathised with all the Kukkoro-sans and cried! (2)


I don’t seem to be able to talk my way out of this and there’s no way I can win if I fight properly.

Not even a body strengthening potion would help.

I do have options though. In fact, I’ve got my golems and I’m not talking about George-kun.

Being attacked here has actually done me a favour. It would have been even better in the mines but it can’t be helped.

I send my thoughts out to the 2 golems hidden on the roof.


” (Bari! Banpero! Wake up. It’s your turn.) ”

My hummingbirds awoke after a long absence.

On the day when I was transferred from the guild someone, presumably from [phoenix company] had bought them in a dormant state and placed them near the guild. When I passed by in the carriage they sensed my existence, activated and hid on the carriage roof.

The hummingbirds are only 20cm so when dormant they are hard to see.

This was my trump card.

I don’t have the will to kill them but I have no issue shooting them through the thighs.

I’ll treat them of course but I’ll only stop the bleeding.


“Oi, You! What are you doing!”

A huge voice echoed out and Gordon appeared.

I put the hummingbirds back immediately.

“Are you okay Ippei?”

“You’ve saved me Gordon.”

The men knew about Gordon’s ability and ran off while clicking their tongues.

These fellows need the same treatment as Yuuraia. ED for all.

I don’t think the materials are around but I’ll have a look.


…..The sad fact is there is 0 female presence in this place.

I guess sexual desire builds up and even another man will do.

I’ve heard in Japanese prisons they take h mags to the toilet and deal with it.

There’s no side dish for the fellows here and I can’t make an ero book even with my skills.

As it stands I don’t know when I’ll be targeted again.

Is there nothing I can do to ease it for them somehow?……


That day I drew a poor quality naked woman on the wall of the toilet.

Umu. I’m no master artist.

It doesn’t even have the artistic quality of a hentai mag either.

If any man back on earth saw this they’d burst into laughter.

I can’t see this being effective. I don’t see them lining up to use it.

Don’t starve too long guys!

…..Oh well.

If sex crime is reduced even a little I’ll be happy.

Let’s draw in the other toilets tomorrow.

Uuuu, Patty I’m lonely!


That night the great painter sat in the toilet thinking about what pose would arouse the men’s hearts the most.

I did the pose myself in front of a mirror and sketched it out. I made the mirror using silver from the mine and material refining.

The great painter continued on throughout the night.



(1) Hebushi (ヘブシ) seems to be some type of Japanese soft drink from what google image search is showing me.

(2) I don’t get it at all. Does anybody have any idea what or who the flip he is on about? Kukkoro-san クッコロさん

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